Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
