Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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