Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
