just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
