I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
