So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
