she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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