I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
