I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize