I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
