i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
