woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
