i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
