How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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