Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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