you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
