i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
