I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
