ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
