all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
