my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're like the curious george of whores
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
