pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
