The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
