I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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