I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
