I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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