just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
