she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She bit a glass in half.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
