Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
