Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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