Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
