oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
