so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
