i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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