It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize