Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
