Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
