Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
time to smoke my breakfast
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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