ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
FUCK WHALES
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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