I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
