Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
