U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize