i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
