I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
