drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
