This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
