All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
