just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
