yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
