not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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