Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
