found the other keg... it's in the tree
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
