So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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