I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
