I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
