I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
