go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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