I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
