Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
