At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
