its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
