This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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