and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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