I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize