i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
