Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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