he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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