I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
