her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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