Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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