Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
