all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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